In the last two days, 4 different people have either told me that I look tired or stressed out. The funniest comment I thought was by Mahavir. I was walking home at night near the DAC and Mahavir was walking towards me. As we approached each other he says, “You look very tired.” Ofcourse this gives me the perfect opportunity to launch into my usual complaints about the amout of work I have and the lack of sleep. He says, “No, you just look tired with life!” I looked down, smiled and said, “Yes…yes, that is true too.” The others to comment also perhaps noticed that I looked stressed, and mentioned so.

I wonder how I look when I look stressed? Is it substantially different from how I look otherwise? Or how am I percieved when I am relaxed?

When I am “relaxed” I’m just not doing as much. I feel more productive now, when I’m constantly trying to play catch up to work. But I also don’t have the time to pursue things I may want to otherwise. I’m just trying to figure out whether I’m happier being “stressed”, eating less, sleeping less, and in general being less healthy. Or am I better of being relaxed, but being an insomniac, doing less, being upset about not doing enough, but having the time to allow my mind to grow laterally?

Contrary to what I expected, I did finish the assignment last night. The official time stamp on my mail box says that it was submitted at 31 seconds past midnight. She can not begrudge me that. How I figured it out, I’ll never know. But finally, luck just turned my way.

I’ve got 3 days off again. With plenty of work to do. Friday is gone because of a prior engagement during the day and work in the evening. So it is back to being a regular weekend.

Oddly, as much as I hated to stress of the last 6 days, now that it is actually over, I miss having something that I’m constantly thinking about. Am I to learn something from that? Either I can keep sane and healthy or go insane and enjoy it, in some cruel, sadistic way.

The last week has been a whirlwind. And not one of those small dust-devil things. I mean a full blown twister, capable of uprooting schedules, minds, lives and everything inbetween. I’ve been asking myself more and more what ever possesed me to do the BS/MS. And what is even more worrisome is that Jayesh, someone whom I generally look to for support when it comes to keeping up with school work, is feeling just as much heat as I am, thought he is taking one less course.

It all started when I took a day off, last Friday. I had no classes anyway that day, so I slept in, went to work in the evening, visited a bar in the night, and had a very interesting conversation with a few Americans at the bar that night. The work started on Saturday, and has not stopped. Much of the grief is being caused by CS 576. The professor is a first rate b*tch who seemed least inclined to help me even when I specifically asked her for it. I am going to try to meet her this evening in her office…hopefully she’ll be better. I’ll go if I don’t fall asleep. It is 6:33 AM and I’ve not slept all night. I’ve been up trying to figure out the first damn assignment for this course.

About an hour and a half ago, I was seriously disheartened. I was considereing dropping the course, and if one more thing had gone wrong, I would have just bundled up in bed and sobbed. That is the extent of the pressure I’m feeling from the classes I have. And I’ve not even started thinking off the two potentially biggest projects of the term.

Okay, so my bitch-fest is over. I am feeling mildly better.

In order to complete my photography assignment, titled natural landscapes, I must have walked a good 4-5 miles today. It’s not easy to find “natural landscapes” in Philadelphia city. I climbed down to the Schuylkill river at Chestnut Street and walked by it all the way past Boathouse row, making detours wherever I saw something interesting. Funnily the entire walk took me only about 3 hours. And I enjoyed myself immensely, even though it was very, very cold. I should do things like that more often. It is a great way to learn about Philly. I just hope my pictures are decent. I’ll post them when I get time.

It is only Wednesday night, but yet I am already reviewing an entire week. It certainly feels like its been that long. Trying to catch up on missed school work, and life in general is very taxing. I’ve got friends to call, paperwork to complete, parties to go to, and clothes to unpack. All of that will still take less time than all the school work in the first three days of class.

But I can not complain. After the way the last term went, it is not surprising that this term is turning out to be just as stressful, if not worse. All the graduate classes are going to be like a full time job, with INFO 607 (Database with Dr.Il-Yeol Song) leading the way. CS 576 and INFO 620 don’t lag far behind either. The photography course is going to be interesting, but that too will be a lot of work and plenty expensive. I just hope that ISYS 425 and ORGB 300 cut me a little slack.

I had my first class with Professor Song today. And he is as Godly in person as all the stories have made him out to be. It is imperative that I create a good impression in this class one way or another.

On a more personal note: things with Maithreyi did not go as I had hoped this December. The only expectation I went back with was to try and salvage a friendship. From the indications I got from her, it seems like she didn’t have similar intentions. The right thing to do now is bow out gracefully. It will only cause more trouble, for her and for me, if I try to pursue a friendship. I just hope she takes care of herself.

From Jayesh’s away message: “it’s the 2nd week of classes… is it possible to feel overwhelmed already?”

That sums up, as well as anything, my return to the US. And to top it off, I’ve missed the first week of class. And Jayesh even has one less class than I have and is usually better and keeping uptodate with work than I am. This is going to be one God-awful term…I can just feel itin my bones. Its 8:30 AM on the first morning of classes for me and what am I eating? Chocolate!

It’s time to bite the bullet and start working like a mad man.

I leave for Bangalore in a few hours. My flight is at 7:15p on Sunday, 19th December. I return on the 8th of January. It’ll be a nice break after a very harrowing term in more ways than one.

I’m not sure if I’ll have the time to post from there, but if interesting things happen, I sure will try.

A feature I’ve noticed in my everyday life for years, but never had reason or inclination to think much about it: Anything I take up with even a half-serious mindset, I get good at. By good, I mean definitely above average. Examples of this: Table Tennis, Golf, Squash, Cricket, Photography, academics, other random interests like playing the guitar, playing video games, or even just learning something new…I can’t come up with any more concrete examples, but this extends to almost anything I take up.

I can do it better…much better than the Average Joe. But I can’t seem to break that barrier from good to excellent. I know at least one person who is much better than me in everything I want to do. I being the competitive kind, try really hard (okay, this is relative) to become ‘really very good’ at it. But I can’t. This tends to get me slightly demotivated and I end up giving up whatever the interest is. It’s happened to me for so many things that I can’t care to list them here.

“Jack of all trades but Ace of none” is what I call myself. I’ve always wanted to be a “Jack of all trades but Ace of one.” I wonder if (and when) I’ll find that one thing. I hope it is soon.

I got this CO Geoff. Since I’m bored and awake at 3:30 AM, I might as well, eh?

[x] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[x] been dumped.
[x] shoplifted
[ ] been fired.
[x] had a job.
[x] been in a fist fight
[ ] snuck out of your parent’s house.
[ ] been arrested.
[x] stole something from your job.
[x] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] gone on an airplane by yourself.
[x] broken a bone.
[x] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated Mardi-Grass in New Orleans.
[ ] been to Europe.
[x] taken caffeine pills.
[ ] been to Disney world.
[x] had a crush on someone you hardly knew.
[x] been to California.
[ ] been skinny dipping.
[x] regretted something.
[x] peed on someones lawn.
[x] skipped school.
[x] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[ ] kissed a member of the same sex.
[ ] had sex with a boy.
[x] had sex with a girl.
[x] been in a car accident.
[ ] partied for days and days straight.
[x] had a family member die.
[x] played ‘clue’
[x] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] dropped x.
[x] been cheated on.
[x] had a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[ ] had a threesome.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[x] had a car
[x] drove
[ ] teepeed someone’s house
[ ] gotten a speeding ticket
[x] done the macarena
[x] done homework at home
[x] checked out a random person
[x] been drunk.
[ ] crashed a friend’s car
[x] been to Japan
[x] been in love
[x] had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back
[ ] made out with a stranger
[ ] gone on a blind date
[x] lied to a friend
[x] cut your own hair
[ ] slept with a coworker
[x] cut yourself on purpose
[ ] been married
[ ] gotten divorced
[ ] had children
[ ] seen someone die
[ ] been to Africa
[ ] slapped someone you loved
[x] been to Canada
[ ] been to Mexico
[x] been on a plane
[ ] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] thrown up in a bar
[ ] Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
[x] been snowboarding
[ ] met someone in person from the Internet
[ ] been pregnant or got someone pregnant
[ ] tried killing yourself
[x] taken painkillers

I’m sure this is part of a set of questions that assess whether one has truly lived life or some crap like that. It seems like one has only truly lived if sex, drugs and alcohol are a part of their being. That is truly scary.

I don’t even know what some of these things mean. Nevertheless, I think I’ve certainly lived, whether I’m being judged by this list or not.